Grief During the Holidays: Keeping Love Present

Photo Credit: Kira Cherkavskaya

In the coming months, families will gather to celebrate holidays and holy days- times meant for joy, reflection, and connection. Yet for those who have lost a loved one, these gatherings can bring waves of sadness alongside the celebration. The holidays often highlight what is missing as much as what remains.

Traditional approaches to grief have long encouraged “closure” and “moving on,” implying that our relationships with those who have died must end. But let’s invite a different way of being with loss: one that honors the ongoing bond between the living and the one who is no longer breathing. Instead of letting go, we can bring forward the love, stories, and spirit of those who’ve passed, allowing them to have a continuing presence in our celebrations and in our lives.

For many, grief during the holidays is a blend of joy and pain. As grief expert Therese Rando reminds us, the central task is to hold two realities at once: acknowledging the absence of the person who is no longer here, while also embracing the presence of those who still are.

Here are a few ways to navigate this season with compassion and intention:

• Reflect on which traditions you want to continue and which might be too painful this year.

• Be open to creating new rituals- especially those that honor your loved one’s memory.

• Give yourself permission to change plans or say no to events that feel overwhelming.

• Invite others to share stories or memories of the person you miss.

• Check in with yourself often and recognize that emotions will likely shift moment to moment.

Whether it is you who is grieving, or someone you love, making space for both sorrow and celebration can transform the holidays into a time of meaning, connection, and remembrance. Grief does not end a relationship- it reshapes it. And in that reshaping, love continues to live, not as a ghost at the table, but as a quiet thread woven through every memory and act of care.

Resources

Agrace - grief support

My Grief Angels - online support group

What’s Your Grief - a grief website and online community for grieving people and grief support professionals. We honor all types of loss and grief.

The Dinner Party - virtual and in person gatherings 

Sources

Working Through Grief During the Holidays — Psychology Today

Coping With Grief During the Holiday Season — American Psychological Association (APA)

Grief and Loss Throughout the Holiday Season — Mayo Clinic Health System

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